Monday, October 11, 2010

Life really does go on-

I have written and erased this post many times in the last few weeks, it's not an easy one to write. The last few months feel a bit blurry and I am just now moving forward and feeling like Life does really go on. It may be enormously different, but it keeps going on.
About a month ago my Husband was officially diagnosed with MS, he has been having symptoms for over 3 years but several months ago things started to get really bad and he finally agreed to see a Dr. And after a few months of Dr's visits and testing they told us that is was for sure MS, everything else had been ruled out. This news was devastating to us, we were on the home stretch of a long journey and all of a sudden this huge ugly road block was dropped in our path.
My Husband is a grad student and we were hoping that after 3 more quick years we would finally be able to settle down somewhere, he'd get an amazing job, we'd buy a house and give our kids the kind of life we really want them to have. And now we are not sure how that will all work out.
The feeling that I spent most of the last month fighting off was anger, the kind of gut wrenching anger that makes you want to pound and smash things, while crying so hard you can't breathe. I am getting over that, slowly, but if I let myself think about it all too much it's hard to keep from crying. Our lives are going to be much different than we planned.
Being the wife of a grad student with 4 children is hard enough, when you throw an illness like MS into the mix you know things are definitely not going to get easier anytime soon.
It hasn't been all gloom and doom though, we have been very blessed. His testing and diagnosis took a very short time compared to a lot of the stories we have heard, he has 2 wonderful Dr's and some great nurses. They have been very helpful, and supportive. We have had some great and wonderful support from our friends at church, and the Professors at the University, we have been given so much help and support from all that we have had contact with this past month.
I have never been even tempted to feel angry at God, he has laid such a HUGE supporting ground work for this new direction in our life. So many changes in the last few years that were made because they seemed right are now making sense. The jobs my husband held in the past, he would never have been able to continue as his MS progresses. At least with his Bio-Chemistry degree he will still have some good options. We have met people in the last year and a half, after our move, that have experience with MS and are able to give us some great suggestions, and helpful information. As hard as this is we have been given SO much help in dealing with and understanding it.
I know things will be ok, and I feel a bit like I am coming out of a long dark tunnel and am beginning to see that there is light on the other side. So I think I am coming to terms with it. Life really is one crazy ride isn't it.

15 comments:

L.B. said...

Lisa, I'm sorry to hear this horrible news. You had a great plan for your family and now it seems like that's up in the air. I know you are a very strong person and you will persevere. Stay strong and keep the faith.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, wow, I am so sorry. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Willoughby said...

I'm so sorry to hear about what you and family are going through, but glad that you have a good support system to help you through it all. Take care, my friend. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Tammy said...

Wow. I am so sorry your family is going through this. Dealing with long term illness is never easy. We will keep you in our prayers.

Monica H said...

Oh honey, This is some devastating news and I'm sorry to read about it. I've been thinking of you lately...suppose I should have been a better friend and emailed you- I'm sorry for that.

Please know that you and your family will be in prayers from here on out. I pray for understanding, acceptance, peace and health.

Much love to you all,
Monica H

***Holly*** said...

So sorry to hear of your husband's illness. Prayers are with you.

Lissaloo said...

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers, I really appreciate them. I have the sweetest BlogWorld friends.

blueviolet said...

I'm so sorry that you have this new challenge to deal with, but I will pray for you to be able to handle it and that it will all work out ok.

thrasherswife said...

Lissa,

How wonderful that God has placed you where you need to be "for such as time as this", to receive comfort, information, support. I know first hand those dark days of anger and anguish and the pain in thinking the unthinkable has happened and now what. Continue to trust God, he has brought your family here, he will bring you threw it, showing you a new future and reality. "Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day HE CARRIES US IN HIS ARMS" Psalm 68:19 I will pray daily for your continued strength, wisdom and acceptance. God Bless!

Lissaloo said...

Thank you both, your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.

Nonna Beach said...

I am gob smacked by this news of your Hubs illness. I knew of some of your future plans from your blog and now this !

I am praying that you all will have the strength to carry on and live life as well as you have up to this point, come what may. Together you can persevere thru anything !!!

Hugs and many prayers,
Nonna/Lynn

Chicago Mom said...

Dear friend, I would be screaming and crying too. At least you have a diagnosis now and can move forward. You and your beautiful family are in my prayers now and always. Love to you all!

Kristen said...

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that - keep on keeping on

Lissaloo said...

Thank you, you all are so sweet, we are thankful for all your prayers and thoughts.

ChristineM said...

Lissaloo, I am so sorry to hear about this! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - I'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner to offer my support. Best of luck to you!

Thank you!!!

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